The Midlife Zig-Zag No One Talks About

Alix Goodwin Olavarria
Apr 10
3 min read

Updated: 6 days ago

There’s often a moment in midlife—in the middle of everything you’ve built—that can feel surprisingly… disorienting.

Things that once felt clear start to blur.

Roles that once defined you begin to shift.

Questions you didn’t expect to be asking quietly enter the room:

What do I want now?

Who am I, outside of everything I’ve been?

Where do I even begin?

No one really prepares us for this part.

When we’re younger, we imagine that by this age, things will feel settled. Figured out. Complete. And in many ways, they are.

But there’s also this… in-between space. A pivot point, if you will, where something old is loosening, but what’s next hasn’t fully formed.

Maybe your kids are leaving home.

Maybe work no longer fits the way it once did.

Maybe you’re being pulled in new ways by parents who need you.

And no one really talks about this part.

This space where nothing is wrong… but nothing feels fully right either.

And if that’s not ambiguous enough, it rarely moves in a straight line.

It zig-zags.

One step forward, two steps sideways.

You feel like you’ve finally made it—climbed the ladder, checked the boxes… and then you find yourself questioning everything you thought you wanted. The house is finally quiet… and you’re not quite sure who you are in it. You enroll in a master’s program… and then wonder if it’s too late.

It can feel like you’re off course.

Recently, I found myself thinking about this, unexpectedly, on a golf course. I’ve decided this is the year I stop thinking about getting better at golf… and actually practice.

Which means, of course, I am very much in the learning phase.

And there is a lot of zig-zagging.

A friend of mine called it “military golf.” Left. Right. Left. Right. I laughed out loud because it was exactly what was happening. Some holes went smoothly – straight shots, a couple of putts, done.

Others? Oof! Six shots just to get near the green. And one hole, my personal highlight, took fourteen shots to finish. Embarrassing!

Standing there at one point, I thought: This should not be this hard.

And then almost immediately: Oh… this is exactly how this season of life works.

Midlife isn’t linear.

It’s not polished or predictable. But it is still progress, even when it doesn’t look like it.

Because here’s what I noticed:

I didn’t leave the course.

Even on the messy holes… especially on the messy holes… my inner monologue reminded me: Okay… on this next shot, I have another chance to start again.

A do-over.

I adjusted. I kept going. I took the next shot – even after the ones that went wildly off course. I did not quit.

And that feels like the real invitation of midlife.

Not to have it all figured out.

Not to move in a perfect, upward trajectory.

Not to take the easy way out and quit.

But to stay in it.

To keep showing up inside the uncertainty.

To trust that the zig-zagging isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong or made a mistake…

it might actually be how it works.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

And every now and then, something lands.

A clear shot. A steady moment. A glimpse of what’s next.

And you think, Okay… here I am.

So the next time you find yourself questioning all the checked boxes…or sitting in the uncomfortable quiet of your home…

before you make it mean something has gone wrong—

Take a pause.

Make space for the unknown. The discomfort. The messiness of not having it all figured out.

This is not a detour. It’s part of the path.

Let go of the idea that this chapter of your life should look like steady progress…or a straight line… or something your younger self would recognize.

And from that place, take the next shot.

Make the next move.

Not perfectly.

Not with certainty.

Just honestly.

Because in midlife… every day offers a kind of do-over —

a chance to begin again, with everything you know now.

A few things to remember in the zig-zagging: